Wednesday 6 May 2015

Urban Dictionary

Election (n):         1. the selection of a person or persons for office by vote.
                             2. a public vote upon a proposition submitted.
                             3. the act of electing.

“Election” also rhymes with “erection” as Tom Waits reminds us in Step Right Up (“it gives you an erection, it wins the election”) and if you think Urban Dictionary is going too far it will bring you back to earth with imagery that might spoil your dinner, should you be reading this post whilst having your nosh. This election began as an earnest affair but lately it has descended into a ba(w)d(y) political version of a Carry On movie.  What with the "hung" parliament they keep threatening us with. How "well hung" it will be, it's better not to ponder about. Just think of incumbent Number 10 tenant David Cameron getting hot under the collar a few days ago and dropping a few “bloody this” and “bloody that”. Geezer’s getting excited; maybe he will bring some special “magazines” with him on polling day to keep his energy levels “up” when he goes behind the curtain. Opposition leader, Ed Milliband, has taken to flirting with the audience as demonstrated recently in a verbal exchange with a young woman at a public debate.  He even put on his trademark “puppy face”. Oh, the little slag! Suave Nick Clegg keeps working on his eyebrows. I would not be surprised if he and his wife Miriam were secret members of the Saucyful Order of the Eyebrow Fetish, or something like that.


Hands working overtime there on the right

As for the rest, Farage is looking more and more like the bloke who is told the morning after the night before by his female companion: “it’s all right, luv, there’s always a first time, don’t worry”. Or, bearing in mind that his wife is German, that could be: Es gibt immer ein erstes Mal, mach dir keine Sorgen. Nicola Sturgeon has already been cast as the dominatrix, chiefly by the typical, emotionally constipated and sexually self-repressed men who see a woman’s self-assertiveness as a threat to their masculinity… or as a sexual thrill. Just saying. As for Natalie Bennett, Urban Dictionary can picture her having a “brain fade” half-way through an intimate moment with her man and forgetting his name or getting it mixed up.

Maybe you’re wondering about the “urban” bit in this post. After all, tonight’s entry, “election”, affects the whole country, both rural and urban areas. The blog owner’s answer is simple: the “urban” bit is as meaningless as David Cameron’s pledges. After all, Mr “Bloody” Cameron’s government is planning to introduce proposals to cut benefits for the sick, the young, the poor and the disabled if they are given another five-year term. Sorry but no amount of salacious spicing-up will make that bitter pill taste sweet. To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question on the 7th May.

© 2015

Next Post: “Saturday Evenings: Stay In, Sit Up and Switch On”, to be published on Saturday 9th May at 6pm (GMT)

20 comments:

  1. Oh hasn't it been grim - these men scattering every sentence with 'our country' and trying to persuade me what's in this for me. I'm fine, want to yell at them. I'll be fine whatever you do. But what about the people homeless because of the bedroom tax, the family hoping nobody notices them going to food banks, There's been so little mention of them - do politicians assume we are only going to vote according to our own selfish outlooks and without a nanodrop of compassion for those who have been truly shafted by the past five years.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Be happy that your election season is short compared to ours. The sad part of it all, in many cases, is the fact that people are too disengaged to make good choices, often voting against their own interests because, well, too often, they are too lazy to look behind the rhetoric and media circus.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, be happy you have a short season as we're already in election mode with election day 18 months away... It sounds like this election will be a nail bitter over there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hung parliaments have a lot of charm. For the person on the street anyway. The politicians are forced to negotiate and compromise. Which I love.
    And our current govt. is all about hitting people at the bottom as well, while protecting their well-heeled mates. Hiss and spit.
    And good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  5. We are watching from across the pond with great interest. I still think parliaments work better than our two party (plus) system of gridlock. Be grateful that you don't have the Tea Party.

    ReplyDelete
  6. All about cutting everything but themselves, greedy sobs. Maybe this election snip snip them so they can't get an erection

    ReplyDelete
  7. Here in Quebec we have had elections ad nauseum. Yuk. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I usually pay little attention to what is happening in British politics, and I have no real opinion about this election. Apparently, some Americans are fearful England will pull out of the European Union if David Cameron holds on to office again, which they say would be bad for United States trade with Europe. On the other hand, many Americans reflect gratitude for Cameron's position regarding military activities in the fight against Islamic terrorism.

    So, I will stand clear and allow you Brits to battle it out.

    ReplyDelete
  9. all the best for the election... i'm not too familar with the british system i have to confess but do hope that those who think and live democracy are going to make the race

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tom Waits got humor and sense. :)
    Good luck on the election. May the odds be ever on your favor so they say. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I shall be glad when it's all over, bar the shouting. I would love to go back to old style campaigning, when candidates hadn't learned how to be rude, provocative and openly insulting. God help our country!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha...many thanks for adding a touch of humour to all the "seriousness" of the run-up...really made my day!
    I dashed out first thing this morning to cast my vote and "get it over with"...I will be so relieved when we return to some real news on TV, rather than all the empty promises...:/

    Have a great day! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, this made me laugh! I'm almost to scared to watch the news and see what's happening today during the election... I just hope no extremist parties will go onto to hold the balance of power...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my goodness, your sense of humor is showing! LOVE it!

    I was really surprised Cameron managed to hang on by his fingertips. Good luck!

    Happy weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Way to put it all out there! Definitely have my attention. Hope the election went well.

    ReplyDelete
  16. And now the Bastards are in and we’ll have five more years of misery.
    The ‘I’m alright Jacks’ have walked it.

    I’m too angry to appreciate your humour today.

    ReplyDelete
  17. All politicians are the same. Whether this govt. comes or that govt. comes it makes no difference. They only take care of themselves and God has to take care of the common man. In the last elections in India I voted for NOTA which means none of the above. Democracy works overtime to make rich people richer and poor people poorer.

    Interesting post.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Politics as usual! What can one say? The workings of democracy are not always smooth, but.......

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi ACiL ... a fun post - and knowing what we do now ... at least it's not a disaster with lots of hangings happening, resuscitations, more hangings and on we go - that at least can sort of be put on the back burner ... I really don't like the fixed term scenario .. it's going to be interesting, but not as ghastly as it might have been ... great take on the election post though .. cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...