Meals On (Two) Wheels: The Full Monty

A culinary wonder in London’s East End

It’d been a while since I’d gone on one of my long cycling jaunts around London. This time around, with the temperature reaching the late 20s (really, September? I thought you were supposed to usher in autumn), I decided to tour the Magnificent Seven. These are seven, Victorian-era cemeteries built on the outskirts of the capital to ease the overcrowding of the existing burial grounds at the time.

I knew I was looking at a 30-mile-plus journey, so stocking up on good, belly-filling food was essential. My first stop was at one of my favourite cafes in London, The Full Monty.

One of the elements The Full Monty (formerly known as The Workers’ Café) has in its favour is its location. It sits far enough from the overpriced restaurants and eateries in Shoreditch, Hackney and Hoxton. Yet, it’s not off the beaten track completely. Situated on Globe Road, it is right next door to the London Buddhist Centre. East End legend, Ray Winstone was born in nearby Plaistow. West Ham United Football Club’s London Stadium is roughly ten to fifteen minutes away on two-wheels.

I was feeling hungry. The ride from Abney Park (where I’d started my seven-cemetery tour) had worked up an appetite in me. I’d have usually gone for the full English, but this time I opted for the full veggie instead. I wasn’t disappointed.

A generous portion of mushrooms, with fried eggs and tomatoes, two hash browns, one vegetarian sausage and two pieces of toast was all I needed to refuel. I belong to the “really well done” brigade, so I chastised myself for not telling the lovely and smiling staff to cook my egg well. Still, it was nice.

Having lived in London for close to 24 years now, I’m always on the lookout for local characters. I’ve never been afraid to strike up conversations with complete strangers, especially when these interactions help me understand an area’s culture better. On this occasion a man turned up dressed in a suit, waistcoat, shirt and tie. He also wore smart shoes. Despite the already-rising temperature, this gentleman seemed at ease with his choice of wardrobe. The way he just strolled into the café, sat at a table and shot a cursory glance at the menu, told me he was a regular. Later on, as I was unlocking my bicycle and getting ready to go, I noticed that he, too, was a cyclist. His frame was parked next to mine. Although we did exchange a few pleasantries (he was having a smoke outside), only when I was riding towards Tower Bridge later on, it occurred to me that I could have stayed behind a while longer and found out a bit about his life.

The total bill at The Full Monty came at £6.50. A snip when you have similar establishments just a mile and a half away, on Cambridge Heath Road that will charge three or four quid more for a similar meal. Although I didn’t have any beverage this time, I’d strongly recommend the mocha here. I’ve had it before and it’s the way I like my mochas: strong (double shot of espresso) and milky. I’ll certainly come back to The Full Monty again. And this time, if Mr Dapper-Man-on-a-Bicycle happens to be there as well, I’ll have my phone ready. There are some stories that need to be recorded and told.

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Diary of a Cycling Instructor (2nd August — 3rd September)

Thinking of insects and Unsplash models 

Monday 2nd August — Friday 3rd September 2021

A couple of tiny winged creatures crash against my shades as I ride down the A1, in Barnet. I think back to when I started driving fourteen years ago and this used to be a common occurrence. Insects smashing against the windshield.

I read in the paper the other day that the insect population is in free fall. There are fewer bumblebees, fewer butterflies, fewer of everything we tend to call “creepy crawlies”. This is not only down to the old swat with a newspaper or similar rolled-up publication, but also to the disappearance of an insect-rich wildlife habitat.

In a drive towards economic growth we have sacrificed marshes, tropical rainforests and meadows. Pesticides, whilst having been seen as a godsend at some point, have caused much long-term damage to the environment.

The small nature of insects doesn’t allow us to see how tall in ecological stature they are. They pollinate crops, constitute an active part of the food chain and keep the soil healthy. Without them our planet would slowly, but surely, grind to a halt.

London’s green enough for us, Londoners, to become aware of insects’ importance. Parks and recreation grounds are ten a penny. As a cycling instructor I’m never short of a “Such-and-such Gardens” to run an off-road session.

Another minuscule winged creature smashes against my sunglasses. I stop, take my shades off and shake the little darling off carefully.

I think I hear a “thank you” as I cycle off.

With some time to kill until my next lesson, my mind wanders off to Medium. I’ve just drafted up another article and whilst choosing a picture from Unsplash to go with my piece I couldn’t help thinking of the models in the photos. What if they also happened to be writers on Medium? What would their reaction be when faced with myriad posts featuring them? In the same poses? Making same gestures? Ad nauseam.

This would be enough, I think, to make anyone waste away like poor Narcissus, eventually winding up as a flower.

Tell you what, though. Some insects would love it.

Ivery rarely listen to Radio 4’s Today programme these days. With no school work because of the summer holidays, all my assignments are cycle skills-related and therefore I can get up later.

However, I had an early lesson today and my landlord had the radio on in the kitchen. I happened to catch the end of an interview with a Tory minister. Funny how Covid has not only wreaked havoc in our lives, but also brought new clichés. As if we were in need of any. For instance, the phrase “if the pandemic has taught anything…”. Every time someone (especially a politician) uses this false promise of a phrase what follows is evidence that people are not learning the lessons being taught. As the first lockdown was winding down last year Last Minute wasted no time to start flogging cheap (airborne) holidays.

Summer 2020 saw Rishi Sunak, the chancellor, promoting his “Eat Out to Help Out” scheme. In addition to this ill-thought initiative (it was responsible for ushering in another wave of infections) he encouraged businesses to coax employees back to their offices and shops. Seems like the only lesson this government is interested in learning is how to spend more. Or get people to spend more. Economic recovery. Even if that’s not what the pandemic has taught us.

If the pandemic has taught anything is that we (humans) are not in charge. We’ve never been. We never will be. Nature is. And we’d better learn that lesson before it’s too late.

I’ve got a few one-to-ones and family cycle skills lined up for the next few weeks. Most are people who either want to get back to cycling for leisure or want to get to work with minimum contact with other commuters. Never thought that a bit of misanthropy would be good for business.

I’m usually asked the same question at the beginning of the lesson: is it safe? (sheepishly, though and not in the terrifying way Laurence Olivier’s Dr Christian Szell voiced it in Marathon Man).

Yes, it’s safe to cycle in London. In fact, it’s safer than many people think. Whilst the current — still-developing — cycle infrastructure is not completely flawless, it’s better than it was ten years ago. The key factor for me is a change of mindset. We, cyclists, are road-users. And everybody else had better get used to that.

Besides, if you’re a driver and leave your car at home, you’ll be doing the environment a world of good. You’ll be contributing to the protection of our environment. Who knows? You might even get a “thank you” from a winged friend.