Friday, 1 May 2020

Dawn

The story of two people longing for each other, yet limited by their circumstances. I first posted a draft on this blog many years ago and in 2012 it was published in The Voice.



“Is he asleep?” he asks.
“Of course,” she snaps. But should there be an “of course”? After all, many a night she has been up until the small hours consoling her husband after a fit. It’s not the convulsions she fears, she’s got used to those; it’s the aftermath, his sense of disorientation. Her voice softens. “Yes, he is asleep, sorry.”
“You don’t have to say sorry. It’s not easy. I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Well, I try. I know it’s difficult to put myself in your place.”
“I wonder if anyone could put themselves in my place. I wonder if even I want to be in my place.”
Silence. The unsayable is usually followed by quietness. This is not what she’s come here for, however. She saw the balcony light on, heard the soft, mellow notes of Miles Davis’s A Kind of Blue playing and knew he was out there. She found him with a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other one.
Their eyes kiss. It’s a lingering, embracing kiss, the type they know they’ll never be able to replicate with their lips.
(Continue reading here)

17 comments:

  1. Poignant, moving and incredibly relevant to the here and now for too many - world wide.

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  2. I agree.... this is quite a poignant and moving story. Thanks for sharing it here.

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  3. I don't usually click and read longer blog posts, but I'm glad that I clicked in this. You had me at their eyes kissed, and good for you for finishing up with that.

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  4. This is beautiful writing. You've created great tension and wonderful dialogue. Thanks for sharing.

    www.thepulpitandthepen.com

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  5. You paint elegant landscapes and erudite portraits with words, CiL. Congratulations ....

    I once wrote a story entitled "Dawn" for a college short story class. The setting, believe it or not, was Cuba.

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  6. Cuban.This is the best I have ever read from you, when it comes to a story..Very well written.I can find myself in the situation..may be not now but before..I want to read more!
    For me it looks like at first glimse a beautiful love story but when you look trough the curtains it may be not so

    I love the mood in this Silence." The unsayable is usually followed by quietness. This is not what she’s come here for, however. She saw the balcony light on, heard the soft, mellow notes of Miles Davis’s A Kind of Blue playing and knew he was out there. She found him with a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other one."

    Wish you a happy working day in England!
    Anita

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  7. Such a sad story. Don´t think I have ever read something like that before. Almost too much feelings.

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  8. A very human story where life is far from perfect isn't it?

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  9. Hi ACIL - such excellent writing ... so evocative and promising more ... but plenty for us to visualise and remember our own moments, as too leave us with your story. Congratulations ... stay safe - all the best Hilary

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  10. WOW, such a beautiful and deeply moving story!! I find myself drawn into this very human experience, and am left longing for more!
    What an amazing talent...I am so in awe!!😊😊

    Have a great Sunday...and stay safe, my friend.

    Greetings from Hampshire. 👍👍

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  11. Very evocative, Mario. Loved it.

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  12. I caught the impression of loneliness and helplessness in this touching story.

    You have managed to compose a beautiful word, Cuba

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  13. The complexity of life’s sometimes hard choices is described well here with impeccable musical accompaniment.

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  14. Very good writing …

    All the best Jan

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