Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Lets Talk About...

... you, driver-cum-DJ, with your window completely rolled down and your music blasting out, invading everyone’s territory. Now that we’re approaching summer (not that you’d know, what with the couple of polar bears I recently ran into on my way to work and the penguin directing the traffic near my digs, this is neither spring nor early summer, but a-guest-that-overstayed-its-welcome winter) you have wasted no time in letting us know, fellow drivers, pedestrians and those eternal scapegoats of the road, cyclists, what your musical preferences are. And how they differ to almost everybody else’s.

You’re easily recognisable in your shiny, black or silver, convertible BMW, Porsche or such-like, imagining that you’re cruising down Miami Beach, when you really are going up Ally Pally and you can’t go faster than third gear. But that doesn’t matter, because you have your music. Did I say music? No, make that MUSIC!!! Because that’s how it feels to us poor, mere mortals, as we succumb to your 420W output power. For your, Mr DJ, car entertainment is not limited to your own boundaries. No, your playlist is Julius Caesar, Bonaparte and Saladin all rolled into one, conquering street after street, bloc after bloc, listener (willing or not) after listener. Occasionally I have pulled up next to you at a set of traffic lights, only to see your smile (hmmm... no, smirk, rather) drawn across your face, like a Picasso painting. Often the words by the famous artist come to mind: “Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction”. And you know what? When you create that playlist with Nicki Minaj and co.? You are destroying good taste. The fact that the decibel levels coming out of your car are enough to propel Felix Baumgartner twenty-four miles back up into space are beside the point to you. No, the only thing in which you’re interested is in having lyrics like the ones below belting out of your motor to all and sundry:

P-p-p-p punch line Queen, no boxer though/Might pull up in a Porsche, no boxster though/Tell a hater,"Yo, don't you got cocks to blow?"/Tell 'em Kangaroo Nick, I'll box a ho/Shoulda shoulda said I got 5 in a possible/Don't go against Nicki, Impossible/I done came through with my wrist on Popsicle/Man these hoes couldn't ball with a Testicle/Nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga

Apologies to my readers. That’s not the kind of language I use in real life, or the type you’re used to on my blog. But, if we’re going talk about Mr DJ, evidence is needed. I would trade summer for autumn and winter (despite my dislike for the latter) just to keep Mr DJ at bay. Alas, with the first rays of spring sunshine, he (usually a “he”, although Lady DJ is quite common) is out in a flash, one hand on the wheel, windows rolled down and music – dare we call it that? – blasting out from his car stereo. Come back, Napoleon, all is forgotten, including your hand in your shirt. Anything is preferable to Mr DJ and his playlist.

© 2013

Next Post: “Sunday Mornings: Coffee, Reflections and Music”, to be published on Sunday 26th May at 10am (GMT)

24 comments:

  1. Yes they need to be put on ice, send them all to antartica

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  2. No, don't send them to Antarctica - which is so very beautiful (and quiet). Down a coal mine? We have one who lives in our street and as he goes past our windows rattle. And it is never pleasant listening.

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  3. That is excruciating. It doesn't happen very often here in Texas because people always have their a/c on so their windows are closed. I keep my windows open but I keep my radio on low so I don't disturb other people with my music. It's only right.

    Jai

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  4. Aún con mi edad se me van los ojos detrás de ciertos autos...
    Ya no anhelo tener uno como el de la imagen, aunque alguna noche sin yo querer, he soñado que conducía mi descapotable...

    A mí no me molesta en absoluto esa manera de expresarse.

    Saludos

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  5. Absolutely. The antidote: 400 watts, shades and baseball cap, windows down, early-to-mid period Stockhausen electronica.

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  6. This is great!! So true so true and very well put! I really think there should be a study done on the hearing of the MrDJ types....If I can hear it with my windows up...not to mention that I am bouncing from the vibrations in my seat from their car...well, you just got to wonder how their hearing will be in a few years!!

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  7. Never in my life I was interested in any cars (normally I walk and some take taxis) only I m worry by them to they dont running over me!

    by other hand terrible that happens in London terrible!
    take care

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Haha, I don't mind it when I'm in a good mood...but when I'm not?
    Send them to an echo chamber so they have a taste of their own medicine!! haha :D

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  10. Hola amigo, un texto magnifico. Sigue asi

    Saludos desde felicidadenlavida;
    Un abrazo,
    Francisco M.

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  11. I was cycling home today when one of these boomboxes on wheels pulled up next to me and even though the driver had his windows closed, the sound (noise) coming out of his car stereo almost knocked me off my bike.

    Thanks for your comments.

    Greetings from London.

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  12. It's not hearing it that bothers me so much. It's more when the volume and bass is so loud that it makes my chest vibrate. And that's not nearly as exciting as it might sound. ;)

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  13. LOL! We have the same boy racers cum DJs here too.

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  14. hahaha...we have them as well....depending on the song, i dont mind as much...though if the bass is rattling my fillings out, i cant imagine what it is doing to his head...

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  15. Welcome to my world.

    I work in the state capitol, in an office building on the 8th floor.

    No open windows.

    Yet, I can hear the mega thump, thump, thump of glass shaking bass way up on my floor.

    Extremely irritating.

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  16. So very true. I hate it when others have no respect for their fellow humans who happen to be around. Grrrr!

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  17. ha....love me some good music and a topless car...smiles

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  18. The first time I encountered this really full-force, it seemed like some sort of parody. The people who think grandiose & loud = strength, usually don't have much strength. They also tend to have the look of someone waiting for something to happen, not actually causing it..though they'd not see themselves in that way at all. I find it even more hilarious when the car isn't so great, but an old clunker with a stereo worth more than the rest of the vehicle.

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  19. I don't mind loud music too much - but then I live a fair way from any roads so at least I only encounter this kind of behaviour when I'm out. It is very rude, though. And I would probably have words with someone in an open-topped car if they were blasting out that kind of lyric!

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  20. The crazy thing is that people who play their music like that are only hurting their own ears. It's really not good for the ear drums. I don't understand how anyone can listen to music that loud.

    Jai

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  21. AMEN to all of this. Along with Mr DJ I would put Master throaty with the expolsive exhausts. He sounds like he's doing 85, but he's really only doing 45 -- round a 30 MPH estate, of course...

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  22. not the kind of car that guys drove when I was young. :)

    Glad you liked my BW woman an dnow wee teh beauty too. :) A very nice comment.

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