Saturday 4 June 2016

Saturday Evenings: Stay In, Sit Up and Switch On

A few days ago one of my brothers-in-law was telling us over dinner how much he had enjoyed a book he had just finished. The title was The Endurance Expedition and it was about the 1914 attempt to traverse the Antarctic continent. Hearing my brother-in-law talking so excitedly about the challenges encountered by Sir Ernest Shackleton and his party made me think of one of those elements in a person's upbringing which has, sadly, gone AWOL in recent years: grit.

How you define grit depends pretty much on different factors but on one aspect we can all agree: grit is hardly ever the easy way out. Grit is the process whereby we commit ourselves to finish what we start, to get back up when we fall over and to learn from our mistakes. Based on the above, is our current generation grit-deficient?

I would not like this post to turn into a 21st-century-generation-bashing exercise. Our young people have enough with the grim prospects ahead of them: housing shortage, and rife unemployment, for instance. They do not need me to add to that list. But the question is still valid: how do you teach grit? And is it still necessary in our technology-rich world?



I admit that when I was growing up in Cuba in the 70s and 80s I was not expected to learn about grit. In a certain way my upbringing was rather sheltered, both by the state and by my family. One reason was my being an only child (just to my mum, mind you, my dad became father to two other children when I was thirteen- or fourteen-years-old). Another reason was a long-suffering stomach illness that made my already-overprotective parents (especially my mother) even more cautious. As a consequence most things were served on a plate for me. It was not until I reached my teens when, following my parents’ divorce, I broke away from the safety net around me.

What those teenage and young adulthood years taught me was that I had a built-in “I’ll show you” ready-made response to face down challenges. I also discovered a very useful skill: I could block out unnecessary background noise and focus on whatever task I had to complete. This became one of my essential coping strategies in the early 90s after the fall of the Berlin Wall. A third discovery was that, although I reacted badly to mistakes, I had the knack to learn from them.

However, with this personality change, becoming more go-getting if you like, I also acquired an unwanted reputation as a tough-as-nails, tell-it-like-it-is, harsh critic. This happened mainly in uni and above all whenever I was part of a team and we had a tight deadline for handing in course work. As I remember now, I was not very patient with people who expected to do well without putting in a shift.

The beauty of remembering is that you can choose what you want to remember and how you want to remember it. Never mind the fact that memories arrive unbidden. We still have the power to twist them to our advantage. I was a nightmare as a team leader, that much I recognise now. But I was also quite demanding of myself and therefore of other people. I was driven, still am, and perhaps that was what irked some of my fellow students. Grit can be cruel if not well managed. It is all well and good to never give up but when you assume those around have the same ability, you are bound to fail. Not only that, but also you risk losing the togetherness and focus that you are precisely advocating for.

I agree that the present generation has gotten used too much to being praised the whole time. It is all “well done!”, “you’re great!”, “wow, aren’t you a little genius?” I would not change that approach overnight (I mean, some children do need that encouragement) but I would also include some harsh criticism once in a while. Mix the rough with the smooth. In my life experience, growing up in a socialist dictatorship, moving to another country, adapting to life in that country and finding fulfilment with a loving partner and children are some of the elements that have made me. Not my final dissertation in uni. The latter was just one stage in my life. The former was all about persistence, resilience and bloody hard work.

Of course, it goes without saying that persevering when the chips are down and you’re down in the dumps might not be the go-to, perfect solution. What if you are clinically depressed? Pathology is usually excluded from articles on grit. So is poverty. Some people work their fingers to the bones and yet, years down the line they still have not got much to show for their efforts. Could you accuse them of not trying enough? Of being grit-averse?

Like other subjects educators nowadays realise they should include in the school curriculum (empathy and spirituality to mention but two), grit ought to be taught in small doses. I do think that the current generation would benefit from a termly or half-termly, three-day outdoor activity in which they would have to work their way out of a maze or be asked to build a boat using the bare minimum, materials-wise. For one, the exercise would level the playing field to a certain extent between the haves and have-nots and it would show that in order to succeed in life one does not always need a high IQ or talent. Trying, failing, falling and trying again is good enough sometimes.



© 2016

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25 comments:

  1. I cannot believe that I finished writing this column last night hours before the news of Muhammad Ali's death filtered through. There is grit if you need to know what it is. Rest in peace, gentle giant and eternal fighter.

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  2. I think grit is one of those things which is built in. Of course perseverance and strength should be encouraged, but I think that empathy and kindness need to be taught, because these are qualities that are not as essential to survival as "grit" - and in fact can sometimes result in one losing a foothold in a hard world. At present I am concerned by how life is going in the world - I all of us are looking at more challenging times ahead. I think grit will come the fore when we are dealing with more difficult times, and we won't need to do much to teach or encourage it.

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  3. I think grit is one of those things which is built in. Of course perseverance and strength should be encouraged, but I think that empathy and kindness need to be taught, because these are qualities that are not as essential to survival as "grit" - and in fact can sometimes result in one losing a foothold in a hard world. At present I am concerned by how life is going in the world - I all of us are looking at more challenging times ahead. I think grit will come the fore when we are dealing with more difficult times, and we won't need to do much to teach or encourage it.

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  4. Grit sure can help with the crap in life. Failing and being able to keep on keeping on is a good lesson to be taught.

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  5. Boy, you express so much here. I think what you are talking about are determination and resilience---the ability to bounce back in and after adversity. The linchpin for both of these is to see value in oneself and others and to have hope that your efforts will yield something of value to you or others. You are right about Ali. He achieved both toughness and grace.

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  6. I was saddened by Muhammad Ali's passing. RIP. You made a good point about clinical depression. I have struggled with depression for decades now and it is refreshing to me to know that even though some people have never experienced it they are able to be understanding. However, I still think there is a stigma about mental illness so we have a long way to go. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

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  7. Lovely post.
    I think that constant praise is nearly as dangerous as constant criticism. Perhaps just as dangerous. Both create a distorted reality it is difficult to fight through.

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  8. An interesting post with several astute observations.

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  9. There is a huge danger in habituation get children to praise. So hard for them when they are getting by well enough but not getting constant approbation. I was someone who happened to be precocious so understand well that kind of danger-- any failure felt and feels so overwhelming. I am lucky to somehow have failed enough to learn to manage. Ha. Thanks, Cubano. K.

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  10. Your words so resonate with me. Grit has been the fiber of my existence, LOL. I also like your recognition that poverty sometimes persists no matter how hard one tries.....as a single mother of four, I worked two and three part time jobs at a time, to survive. Still poor. LOL. BUT, dammit, I MADE IT THROUGH. I consider that a triumph in itself. Loved this post, found much to relate to in it....thank you, kiddo.

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  11. Unlikely coincidence: As I read your post, CiL, the original rendition of the film, "True Grit," appears on my television screen. I shall keep one eye on John Wayne for any evidence of grit.

    At times, I think a person either has it or does not, that it cannot be taught. It seems to be evident among very competitive people and very stubborn people. Conversely, it often is visible in athletes and among members of certain military units, which lends itself both to the idea some are born with it and to the notion it can be honed like any skill set. I need more thought on the matter.

    As for Muhammad Ali, I saw Ali "perform" in a three-round exhibition match after he had retired from the ring and before his real medical problems fully surfaced. It was very entertaining, even though it was not a serious fight. After the match was over, a radio type, a television type and yours truly as a newspaper type, along with a couple of public relation types, got to hang out with him and ask him questions in the dressing room for about twenty minutes. Quite a night. I wish I could have seen one of his "actual" title fights.

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  12. Yes - although I think grit cannot be taught, what we need to do is give our children the space and opportunity to practise getting their grit on (for want of a better expression). Here in Sweden, kids are always going out into nature, sleeping rough and learning outdoor skills as part of their school work. In September, my daughter's class is going away for a three-day weekend to a hostel with no electricity and they have to cook and be mobile-free for those days. Good grit training!

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  13. Interesting post, and great observations.

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  14. I think you've highlighted just how difficult it is to get this 'right' (whatever that means). Some children need enormous encouragement to persevere, while others - who maybe less able or seriously disadvantaged, need help to adjust to whatever they have to deal with. My experience of working with abused children (and this is based on experience and not research) is that highly imaginative children can find recovery more difficult and they are plagued by dreams and memories, while concrete thinking did better - the worst was over and now they can get on with the rest of their lives. Now, looking at my non-traumatised grandchildren, I can see a similar pattern in other children - some try and try and believe all will be well, while others can't bear the idea of faking and are quick give up. So they need different teaching styles (how you do that in a classroom I've no idea!)

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  15. Hi ACIL - grit is something we need to embrace, get on with things - not worry about challenges, work round them or over them .. and not be lazy - embrace life as best we can.

    Your post resonates so well ... at least we now recognise we develop at different times, but pushing us on to achieve is so necessary to get our own motivation ... however I'm glad empathy and understanding of others is around - though we need it to be recognised and acknowledged more with all walks of life ...

    Interesting to read a little about your upbringing - cheers Hilary

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  16. Your post is full of awesome observations which is all so true.

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  17. Grit and determination - two things I had to wait for but I got there in the end. I remember in the early 60s when new rules about chastising children came about. They could never be chastised or corrected. It was very hard for mothers in those days. No wonder it took time to learn about grit.

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  18. One of the surprises when I began teaching (middle school and high school) was how often kids would put down their pencil and say, "This is too hard". If something required real thought, deep thought, they would throw up their hands.
    I've also watched my two children, both in their 40s. My son takes on time-consuming challenging tasks and finishes them with success, no matter how long it takes. My daughter seems unable to finish the simplest project.

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  19. The ENdurance story is powerful and I like the idea of putting young people through challenges and making them work it out (but it would have been something I would have enjoyed, I'm not so sure about my daughter).

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  20. Hey, great post. I have to say that I could use more grit. Like you I grew up sheltered by my family. I was both the youngest and suffered from health issues, but unlike you I became withdrawn and often wallowed in self-pity. I've been doing a better job of moving forward, but I still hear that self-defeating voice in my head telling me to give up. It's time to lay on more grit.

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  21. Grit may not be the easy way out...but sometimes it is the ONLY way out...

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  22. not sure about the meaning of grit!

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  23. There's a show I've been watching on TV for the past five or six weeks, called "American Grit." To win the weekly challenges on this show requires participants to dig down deeply into inner reserves they didn't even know they possessed. Win or lose, each person on that show gives every seemingly "impossible" task their greatest effort. Most of us are capable of soooo much more than we realize, and giving up on a task that's perceived as "too difficult" too often becomes an easy escape and cheap cop-out, when through perseverance, it could be a valuable learning tool, whether or not the end goal is actually achieved.

    I was appalled when it became acceptable practice to give trophies and awards to every child, based purely on "participation," no matter how hard or how little that child worked, or even if he worked at all. I think lauding the "achievements" of someone when there IS no actual achievement merely creates an overblown sense of self-esteem, which, in turn, runs the risk of lowering one's sense of empathy and appreciation for the value of other people, and it also belittles the actual achievement of those who have excelled. Giving false praise and accolades doesn't do anyone any favors, and I think the practice ill prepares children to face the real world, where they will never get rewarded for just showing up for something. Where's the incentive for children to give something their best, if everyone is going to "win" a prize? For one person to excel and win something doesn't mean everyone else is a loser, which seems to be the justification for giving out pats on the back and trophies to everyone involved. Well-meaning, but very foolish, in my mind.

    Um, yes, I do seem to have an opinion on this subject... :)

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  24. So strong and inspiring. And such truth.

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  25. Grit is needed is we want our lives to be about more than just survival. We need to be strong to go that extra mile, even when our back is half-breaking, to understand that just because it hurts it doesn't mean that we are dying. Technology is a great thing, but being able to do it without it (or to apply it in more effective ways) is even greater. Schools that keep a pseudo military curriculum are often spoken about with little love, but if you ask me, some of those classes would sure teach some of the grit our children will need to live productive lives in the madness that is the world we are creating for them.

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