Urban Dictionary

Hipsters' paradise

Hipster (n), chiefly British

An urban species commonly found in the area comprised between Clapton Common Road in E5 and Shoreditch High Street, via Kingsland Road. However, sightings have been confirmed in Brixton. Hipsters’ habitat usually follows this formula run-down area+regeneration=gentrification=loft/basement/warehouse conversion=hipsters. Hence their large numbers in the eastern part of the British capital.

Appearance: There are various guises, but the main uniform consists of rolled-up skinny jeans, V-neck T-shirts or long-sleeved “sailor” tops, or in the case of the female of the species, cardies they tug on endlessly as they sway unconsciously from side to side whilst dropping the word “like” twice or three times per short sentence. In the case of males, a lumberjack shirt in winter and a fully grown beard are commonly found nowadays. An ironic beard. Hipsters are big on irony.

Feeds off: The Next Big Thing. Especially if no one else’s heard about it. Hipsters are big on The Zeitgeist even if they’re not aware it’s a German word or they can’t pronounce it. remember, they are big on irony and Zeitgeistic (or should that be Zeitgeistich?) irony is the best.

Likes: Modernism, post-modernism, punk-post-modernism, retro-counter-culture-punk-alt-post-modernism and art-rock (a tautology, I know, but remember, hipsters are big on irony). When it comes to visuals, the line between porn and art is one that must be crossed, because what is art if it doesn’t provoke? Don’t call them sexists or misogynists, though. Whatever your opinion is about the Japanese picture of the naked woman about to be “raped” by the octopus with the eight penises instead of tentacles, keep it to yourself. The hipster won’t be interested. You, commoner (read below), have failed to see the irony behind the painting.

Dislikes: Common People (no relation to the hit song by Pulp. In fact, Jarvis Cocker’s latest re-incarnation as radio DJ has created a whole new subgroup of hipsters: the Geography teacher look). Hipsters strongly dislike people who like mainstream music, mainstream art exhibitions and mainstream everything. You might as well magic yourself out of the place in which you are if a hipster happens to stroll in. The odds are they will be looking for signs of alien art life so will, like, fail to notice you, commoner.

Speech pattern: Rising intonation at the end of statements, because remember? They do, like, irony? And, you know, dude (Americanisms are limited but they do exist), life, like, kinda sucks, doesn’t it? They also tend to speak slowly. Common words include, like, you know, the usual: so, sorta, kinda, like, cool, massive (usually an elongated sound, as in maaassive). When reverting back to their British accent, hipsters go for an “Inbetweeners” inflection.

Means of transport: Single-speed, fixed-gear bikes, mainly vintage or of a Dutch provenance. What the VW campervan was for hippies, the single-speed bicycle is for hipsters. Occasionally you will see the male of the species sporting a handlebar moustache whilst leaning on his bike. And looking at people walking past in an ironic way. Remember, hipsters are big on irony.

Origin: Obscure, with some sources claiming a direct link to the famous “hepcats” from 40s US, especially New York. But unlike their Lower East Side ancestors, hipsters don’t really do jazz (unless it’s on vinyl), they go more for the likes of Death Cab for Cutie and Arcade Fire, although the latter has fallen out of fashion somewhat in recent years.

Enemies: None recognisable, except that almost every other person in London hates hipsters. Hipsters don’t mind that, though. They see themselves as non-conformist rebels without the whole anarchist mindset. Above all, the more you hate them, the more they feed off that hate and use it as energy to pedal on the streets of the British capital on their single-speed, fixed-gear bikes. All the time, smiling. A wide, ironic smile. Because, like, hipsters are like, so big on irony?

© 2014

Photo taken by the blog author

Next Post: “Sunday Mornings: Coffee, Reflections and Music”, to be published on Sunday 8^th February at 10am (GMT)