tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post5989034592267786913..comments2024-01-24T11:41:28.022+00:00Comments on A Cuban In London: Sunday Mornings: Coffee, Reflections and MusicA Cuban In Londonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16423293358605007539noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-14237997599319365352014-11-25T10:34:07.211+00:002014-11-25T10:34:07.211+00:00... just returned from Cuba ... omg, so much love ...... just returned from Cuba ... omg, so much love ... http://ckpeacemaker.wordpress.com/ ^.^https://www.blogger.com/profile/17422876955246850636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-24960714104745195012014-11-24T23:38:04.929+00:002014-11-24T23:38:04.929+00:00I don't have children--just a stepdaughter and...I don't have children--just a stepdaughter and we only see her occasionally now that she's a teenager. I used to worry about not having anyone "to care for me" when I get older but then I looked around. Most of the older people I know with kids don't have anyone taking care of them. Today it seems most people's children move far away and only come home for holidays. Am I off on that? I just think that's the way it is now. I wrote an article not so long ago about how senior women are getting together and buying/renting homes and living together a la Designing Women. They care for each other when they're sick or have surgeries, they chip in for bills...sounds awesome to me. Although I have a feeling living with women would be like a 24/7 episode of Real Housewives. (Fights, tables being turned over, etc.)Stephanie Farishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10461865229341760836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-29038806993723751192014-11-24T21:49:26.287+00:002014-11-24T21:49:26.287+00:00I meet my daughter maybe twice a year and grandchi...I meet my daughter maybe twice a year and grandchildren..... Well. <br /><br />Don´t think they will care much. NatureFootstephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01340635075481959029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-78130097673671324062014-11-24T05:28:08.831+00:002014-11-24T05:28:08.831+00:00Yes, a great post and with many answers depending ...Yes, a great post and with many answers depending where in the world these questions are asked.<br /><br />Personally, I do not think that children owe anything to the parents. The parents brought the children in the world and they have the duty to care for them and to love them. For that they should expect nothing in return. But if it was done right, if the bonds of love are strong, then I'm sure that the love and care will be returned one way or the other..Vesperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12417602625059442986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-45133740360645637652014-11-24T04:22:48.248+00:002014-11-24T04:22:48.248+00:00Such a difficult and complex question! With my own...Such a difficult and complex question! With my own parents in their late 70s and 80s, it is something we kids think about a lot. At the moment, my parents are still in their own home, where they want to be, and my sister looks after them as they live in the same village. None of us kids want to put them into a care home. <br /><br />However, if they were senile, had dementia, then we would probably have to...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-71383092323370697342014-11-24T02:36:27.420+00:002014-11-24T02:36:27.420+00:00Great post, and I think it is good you are thinkin...Great post, and I think it is good you are thinking about this, it is something we all should.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12692170857496442623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-70113140196683743952014-11-23T22:37:55.863+00:002014-11-23T22:37:55.863+00:00Excellent essay
ALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortS...Excellent essay<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />ALOHA from Honolulu<br /><a href="http://comfortspiral.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">ComfortSpiral</a><br /> =^..^= Cloudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05853753108637831069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-46177146945578449232014-11-23T20:50:49.578+00:002014-11-23T20:50:49.578+00:00I am with you I don't want my daughter to feel...I am with you I don't want my daughter to feel she owes me anything or has to pay me back. Obviously I hope we will have a good relationship no matter what age or stage of life we are in but I don't want it to be built on obligation. My mom has already told me that she does not want to live with me when she is old, she has always tried to let me live my own life and be my own person no matter how peculiar I am. She lived with her mother for a huge portion of her life. She did everything to keep her out of care (she got no assistance from her siblings), hiring nurses but between the shifts my grandmother broke both hips and was alone for an hour. My mom realized she could not watch her round the clock or afford to hire more nurses. After my grandmother went into care my mom visited her regularly, nearly everyday and they became much closer. My grandmother even started socializing which she had no done outside of the family in a really long time. Care ended up not being the worst thing in the world in that case. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-40816020767107271372014-11-23T20:43:57.329+00:002014-11-23T20:43:57.329+00:00Muy de acuerdo con tu reflexión.
Las tradiciones h...Muy de acuerdo con tu reflexión.<br />Las tradiciones han desaparecido desgraciadamente en muchas familias, vivimos en un mundo del que no tenemos tiempo ni para cuidarnos de nosotros mismos, creo que cada uno se tiene que hacer su propio ahorro y con ello conseguir un mejor bienestar en nuestros últimos días para que nos cuiden de una forma o de otra.<br />Un abrazo.Mari-Pi-Rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00661886117860375651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-11068410381371766692014-11-23T20:00:42.971+00:002014-11-23T20:00:42.971+00:00Such a difficult question. I cared for my alcohol...Such a difficult question. I cared for my alcoholic manipulative mother - but could not have had her in my home. I did a lot for her - but I didn't do it in good grace. Which shames me.<br />So long as the care is available, and caring, I am not certain that it matters who provides it. And my childless self would not expect my children to 'have' to care for me.<br />Thanks you - such a difficult topic, such a necessary topic.Elephant's Childhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650565833097914052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-53261206217445939792014-11-23T18:44:37.199+00:002014-11-23T18:44:37.199+00:00These are very difficult questions--I have elderly...These are very difficult questions--I have elderly parents, now just one left--and have taken a certain level of responsibility--however, there's been some luck in the economics of it all. A hard thing in today's world especially where people live very long (wonderful) but not always with the strength and resources they may wish. <br /><br />Your point about the different biological imperatives is very true. <br /><br />I think this is an area where there will be a lot of shifting around in the future. To some degree, I find that you do not make any bargain with your children, but also probably set a kind of example. The thing is that you hope you'll be pleasant to be around! Take care and thanks for your kind visits. k.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-5470316155177451782014-11-23T18:32:58.713+00:002014-11-23T18:32:58.713+00:00i know that in some cultures it is tradition that ...i know that in some cultures it is tradition that the kids look after their parents once they're getting old. i wouldn't expect my kids to look after me - i hope they do in some way but it is not connected to what i did for them cause i gave freely and cause i love them and without expecting something in returnClaudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011763027311966186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-40792542421975222502014-11-23T18:28:22.417+00:002014-11-23T18:28:22.417+00:00I'm a creaky, so am closer to this being a rea...I'm a creaky, so am closer to this being a reality than you. And I've travelled a lot in India and the Far East, where I've met many people who are horrified that my daughters haven't taken my in in my widowhood. <br /><br />There is a huge cultural divide in expectations - and I don't think we can clearly say one way of looking after the wrinkly is right and another wrong. We can only say what works for us, in our cultures.<br /><br />I love my daughters. I'd walk over hot coals for them. But nothing would induce me to live with them. They are independent women with families are careers and dreams of their own. I'll find a home where someone else is paid to pull up my knickers, and hope the daughters turn up to share my wine.JOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03127111575563904349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-89124959736810610802014-11-23T18:17:55.680+00:002014-11-23T18:17:55.680+00:00Great of you to begin thinking on this topic. Tryi...Great of you to begin thinking on this topic. Trying to predict the future is tough; trying to finance an ideal future is even tougher. Most children will not be able to take care of their parents for economic reasons and practical reasons too. People who need around the clock care will wear anybody out, family members or not. Yet, aging in place, within familiar surroundings is the best thing for old folks.<br /><br />We ought to instill love and commitment till death do us part; but, not at the expense of misery and bankruptcy for the caretakers.Rosaria Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03133147851332084180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-57683063427785051182014-11-23T18:12:45.189+00:002014-11-23T18:12:45.189+00:00We just have to listen to our own instincts when i...We just have to listen to our own instincts when it comes to decisions of late-in-life care, I think. For me, because I know caring for the elderly as they become increasingly infirm is a full-time job, I can't imagine asking that of my children, particularly because they will most likely be working full-time jobs already.<br /><br />I even look at my 79 year old mother right now and how these years when she's still healthy and energetic are being sacrificed to the needs of her ailing 91-year-old husband, and I feel sad. It's grand that they have each other, of course, but she loves to travel and get out in the world, but she's staying home all day, every day, because that's what he needs. <br /><br />Tough decisions all around!Jocelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03227519811818290510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-12138868321074774772014-11-23T15:30:17.695+00:002014-11-23T15:30:17.695+00:00In this life, you do what you have to do and what ...In this life, you do what you have to do and what you can do when the time arrives.<br /><br />A couple of years ago, I gave up my life as it existed and moved to a place I did not wish to live: My mother had suffered a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side. It was a nursing home ("care center" with an esoteric name, as the politically correct call these places) for her; no "ands, ifs or buts" about the situation.<br /><br />My mother had been living alone and doing fine until the stroke. Even after it, her mind was clear. She wanted to remain in the area where she had lived for the past forty years so friends could visit her; therefore, I was the one who moved (my choice, without thought or hesitation), not to care for her, but simply to be able to visit her on a near-daily basis while she faded away. I am an only child, which helped and hindered the situation in various ways.<br /><br />Eight months and a few hundred thousand dollars later, she died. (These were not government dollars, either.)<br /><br />Life takes you where it wants to, and what really counts is the plan you adopt after your original plans fail due to circumstances beyond your control: Be prepared to be unprepared.Fram Actualhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01540773153894050197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-88088460486656819282014-11-23T14:35:15.976+00:002014-11-23T14:35:15.976+00:00Somehow I don't think the cats will do that lo...Somehow I don't think the cats will do that lol I just hope to avoid all of that crap. keep going until I can't go no more and then croak in my sleep when it is time. If i have kids I wouldn't expect them to take care of me, unless they were rich or something, then they better buy me a nice little spot with a hot nurse to look after me lolPat Hatthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07745293224202430152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-30166758325022729862014-11-23T14:34:40.589+00:002014-11-23T14:34:40.589+00:00I do often ponder this subject, CiL...and while, y...I do often ponder this subject, CiL...and while, yes, I would like to think I will be taken care of should I become unable to take care of myself in my twilight years...I would never expect it of my son. <br />Yes, I gave him life, but in no way do I feel he owes me anything. <br />I have seen young people devote their lives to taking care of an ailing parent, and of course that is highly commendable...but what life does that person then have of their own?<br />So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...what this delicate situation needs is some give and take - and a lot of understanding on both sides.<br />As long as there is love between parent and child, I don't think things will go far wrong!<br /><br />Many thanks for another thought-provoking post...you are so good for my brain! ;)Ygrainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00300519608303898969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-20285736390664533152014-11-23T12:41:51.737+00:002014-11-23T12:41:51.737+00:00Thanks for your comments, bare and Valerie.
There...Thanks for your comments, bare and Valerie.<br /><br />There are sometime swhen only a bit of Jim Croce will do. And that's today, in rainy London.<br /><br />I don't think there's an answer to this question of whether it's preferably to be looked after by our children or by professional staff in a care home. It's one of those thorny issues that has the potential to generate much discussion. From how we regard our elders, to how other societies treate their third-age citizens. Plenty food for thought, that's right.<br /><br />Have a great week.<br /><br />Greetings from London.A Cuban In Londonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16423293358605007539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-68587921213070905292014-11-23T11:30:47.738+00:002014-11-23T11:30:47.738+00:00Cuban, this is a subject close to my heart - and a...Cuban, this is a subject close to my heart - and age. Yes, my culture is different to that in other parts of the world. I remember having it explained top me in Switzerland how houses were were built to accommodate several generations, each generation occupying a floor of the house ... even cows had a place indoors in winter. It seemed to me rather a good thing that families cared for each other. Now we have families separated by distance ... including mine. <br /><br />I am old enough to be concerned about the future but do not dwell on the fact that one day I might be left to cope alone. I am grateful for my own independence and keep occupied with outside interests. <br /><br />I don't think we should put pressure on our offspring to care for us. They have their own lives, lives that we provided. We have guided them to independence - we should do the same for ourselves. So long as we have their love I don't think we should bind them to looking after an ageing parent. If they love us, that is all we need. Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12099030819314552958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1165773290907101242.post-56596630700156616612014-11-23T11:16:34.811+00:002014-11-23T11:16:34.811+00:00food for thought, brother.
my daughter recently l...food for thought, brother.<br /><br />my daughter recently laid this one on me, <br />"i have always thought that i will be caring for you after you retire."<br /><br />?!?!?!?<br /><br />really?<br /><br />i have always thought that i would retire, travel,<br /> and die. skip right over the messy stuff.<br /><br />especially skip over messy stuff involving witnesses.<br /><br />now she has me thinking. my daughter's idea of a holiday,<br /> as you Brits call it, is to sleep in a hammock at <br /> a great height from the rainforest floor, somewhere in<br /> South America.<br /><br />anything that puts a great distance between me and the ground better be an airplane, not for long, and with plenty of legroom.<br /><br />my own Mom, eighty-seven going on a hundred, spends her weekdays alternating between doctor appointments and gossiping with her friends at the local mall, her week-nights at home watching soap operas, and Sundays she drives (!) to the casino for the slots.<br /><br />whatever it is that she does on Saturdays, we had best call ahead if we plan a visit.<br /><br />so now, Cubano, you have me thinking, do i really want my daughter wiping my ass at some point? <br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br />Croce . . been a while. beautiful voice, lots'a feeling<br /> and, boy, unexpectedly i have this flash of John Belushi, in ANIMAL HOUSE, ripping Croce guitar out of his hands and smashing said guitar on Croce's head.<br /><br />not that i do not like today's selection mind you, i do like it, its just that i can't shake the idea of two men, dead in their prime, disagreeing on song choice. location, location, location . . .<br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br />once again, a thought-provoking piece, my brother,<br />always a please to visit you. n<br /> now, back to my java.<br /><br />..<br />.ero<br />.bARE-eYED sUNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09274024134490490172noreply@blogger.com